Well I've managed to finally accomplish my dream. I did it. I got into medical school. It was the best feeling in my life and even two months later reminds me that I am better than I think I am, and that I am enough.
However, I may be enough and accomplished, but I am also very alone. Much of it is my own doing. I didn't have the same energy and zeal when it came to investing in my friendships. I came to find that when I stopped this investment, I received little in turn, very little. And somehow in the time that has past I have forgotten how to be a friend, not that I didn't struggle with this before, but now I find it very difficult to be a part of the group.
I know the holidays always give me bit of a complex, and this year is certainly no exception. Everyone is talking about their family and friends and loves and I'm over here wondering why I bother. As much as I would like to think that I am strong, I have been weak. Too open about my pain. Ain't no one have time for that.
It's a difficult thing to take on the world by your lonesome. But I don't think I know how to even let anyone back into my world. Good thing no one is knocking at my door. Haha, even if anyone tried they would have to get through ten inches of pure steel for me to even notice the efforts.
My job had taken regular ACA meeting from me, and now I am too scared to go back. Maybe I need to go back to the online chat rooms. The thoughts that ravage my mind are debilitating and perhaps can only be quelled with gentle introspection and caring hands. Just like before.
There is always hope. I know when I'm at my lowest there is my Higher Power, but in the chill of a winter night, sometimes it simply doesn't feel like enough. Still...I suppose we have to keep trying. I mean what else can we do?
